I am, as a general rule, not a person that experiences many emotions. I stay at a pretty level “meh” most of the time. Meh happy, meh sad, just meh. Which isn’t a problem for me. I’m fine. I would even go so far as to say that it has helped me in some situations because I don’t have emotional investment in something and can look at it more logically.
However, it also kind of prevents me from actually forming most relationships. At least the same way other people form them. And in all honesty, that hasn’t been an issue for me for the most part either. I haven’t actively missed or wished for feelings. But, my relationships haven’t gone super well either. They end. Or they are based on sex. And I don’t feel emotional attachment.
And that hasn’t been working for me. So when I recently started dating someone and getting a little overwhelmed by feelings, I decided to dive in. Because at this point, why not? And it’s been great. Albeit, it’s been two weeks. So you know. Honeymoon period and all that jazz. But it’s also affecting other parts of my life. I’m happier in general with all my relationships and grateful for the people in my life and not as upset with my fruitless job hunt.
Which is all fine and dandy when I’m occupied with people or things that need to get done. But then when I’m not, I feel listless, and a little bit blank. And while I haven’t ruled out that it’s all hormonal, I think it has to do with this new influx of emotions. Like I’m a balloon that was fine staying unused, but now that it’s been filled up, it must stay filled up or become a void that makes blah days even blah-er.
So that’s where I’m at. Not a bad thing, because I like the happy, but I’m working on dealing with the empty.